Giving Birth

No, this is no freak of nature. Please, your's truly is not a doting mother. But the point I'm trying to make is that applying to business school is pretty much like giving birth. There is the initial trepidation. Is this really for me? Can I handle it? Is it worth it? Is it overrated? Is it as rewarding as they say? Then there is the long gestation period reading parenting and applicant online forums, the agonizing doctor and GMAT appointments, deep breaths at lamaze classes and when recommenders don't come through. And in the end, the excruciating pain! Having submitted five applications in four days, I think I have a pretty decent idea of what it is to give birth to quintuplets.

It is done - the apps are out and I will never be the same again. I think Stanford essay A has left me a little too much in touch with with my own emotions - I am beginning to doubt if I will continue losing the 'dare-to-kiss-a-guy' drinking game. HBS, Stanford, Wharton, Kellogg and Chicago - they're all out - like the aliens Sigourney Weaver flushed out into space. I've had my adrenaline rush and now I feel spent. I always submit with around 15 minutes to spare - no, it is not just procastination, yes that too, but this is more than that, this is a more primal neurotic need for cheap thrills. Many thanks to Chicago and Wharton for keeping it exciting; for Chicago, the site froze with 15 minutes to go. The same with W, but then they got one up on me by sending out that deadline extension e-mail which I didn't see until after I submitted.

They're over: the nights of walking around in the cold, trying to clear my head, listening to Ludwig and furiously conducting with both hands and startling middle-aged couples walking their dogs. Nights of driving 20 miles to the nearest Krispy Kreme, top down at 3 AM to satisfy the inner donut slut in me. Christmas was spent polishing the K essays. New Year's was drowned in Stanford's soul searcher. I asked for this: 5 apps in 1.5 months. I was vicariously celebrating by reading all of your holiday posts. Oh and btw, before the year is out, might as well wish you readers the best for the new year - may your admits outnumber your dings; and wannabe MBA girls, may you earn dual degrees - MBA and Mrs (thanks for that insight M).

The best part about the last couple of weeks was the rain. The sometimes powdery, the sometimes torrential rain that fell over the bay area. It complemented my mood in many ways than I could imagine. It brought back my favorite rain poem by Verlain:

Il pleure dans mon coeur
Comme il pleut sur la ville;
Quelle est cette langueur
Qui pénètre mon coeur?

My french is rusty, but it crudely translates into

It rains in my heart
Like it rains on the city;
What is this langour
That pierces my heart.

Only the french can come up with a word like 'languor'. It made me drive up to Sausalito to my own secret little vista point and watch the rain fall over the city. But mostly I've been watching it from my kitchen window while typing my essays. The rain is such a reflective thing. It left me thinking about the fleeting, but beautiful things in life, about loss and yearning.

Kramer: Do you ever yearn?
George: Yearn? Do I yearn?
Kramer: I yearn.
George: You yearn?
Kramer: Oh, yes. Yes, I yearn. Often I sit...and yearn. Have you yearned?
George: Well not recently. I craved.
:-)

How many fortuities does it take before I can tell her? Should I even?
Anyway, onwards to the next b-school phase: my K hub interview is scheduled 3 weeks from now. But there are more immediate plans - I'm out to get plastered tonight. Catch me if I fall!

Oops, forgot to post this last night - here goes.