Rejection
It comes in many forms:
"We already get the newspaper", "I like you as a friend", "I'm not really into indie movies", "My dog needs a root canal", and the classic: "it is not you, it is me"!
When I started writing this blog more than a year back, I didn't shy away from talking about other things besides b-school admissions, but then I had set myself the rule that I wouldn't discuss affairs de coeur. Now I'm tempted to break my own rule. The past one year has been a hit parade - it's been raining snubs. Ok, I didn't get a ding from a school, at least not yet; but If the past is any indicator of future, the outlook is bleak. Perhaps I'm going trhough my own blue period and this too shall come to pass, but it is hard to live in the moment, especially a moment in time as this. I'm having my own little pity party chugging non-diet Pepsi and listening to the lord of melancholy, Chopin - yes, even the pity party is pathetic :-( I sometimes think the expansiveness and magnificence of my reaction to rejection are reasons enough to vindicate the rejection in the first place :-) But I guess it is as important to grieve as it is to celebrate - huh?
Enough of that for now. As I said in one of my earlier posts, my b-school plans are pretty much decided. When I started thinking about school in June '04, I thought I had I had time on my side. Like other things in life, I couldn't be more sadly mistaken. Here I am, with 1.5 months to go and applying to a pared down list of schools, all in round 2: HBS, Stanford, Wharton, Kellogg and Chicago. Yes, I know that reads like a top-5 school list, but then I wouldn't have it any other way. Working for the number of years as I have, I don't see much of a point applying to a 'safety school'. My view on this is that I don't want to apply to a school that I wouldn't be thrilled to attend. I think of HBS and Stanford as stretch schools(and so does most of humanity) and they will always be special. However, I would be equally thrilled to get into the other three. I've talked to most of my recommenders and started work on the HBS and W essays. I've decided to tackle the W essay first since that is fairly generic enough to be a good starting point for most other essays. I've also promised myself to jump off a plane, quit my job ahead of time, catch a live performance of Schumann's piano concerto in A minor (Vienna, East Europe?), backpack in Asia and watch the whales migrate south along the Monterey bay. All this to be done by April, no matter how the decisions turn out. After all aren't we all looking for the most fulfilling relationships and outcomes? Before I offer any more Carrie Bradshaw-sounding aphorisms, I think I'd better sign off. Wish me luck compadres.
"We already get the newspaper", "I like you as a friend", "I'm not really into indie movies", "My dog needs a root canal", and the classic: "it is not you, it is me"!
When I started writing this blog more than a year back, I didn't shy away from talking about other things besides b-school admissions, but then I had set myself the rule that I wouldn't discuss affairs de coeur. Now I'm tempted to break my own rule. The past one year has been a hit parade - it's been raining snubs. Ok, I didn't get a ding from a school, at least not yet; but If the past is any indicator of future, the outlook is bleak. Perhaps I'm going trhough my own blue period and this too shall come to pass, but it is hard to live in the moment, especially a moment in time as this. I'm having my own little pity party chugging non-diet Pepsi and listening to the lord of melancholy, Chopin - yes, even the pity party is pathetic :-( I sometimes think the expansiveness and magnificence of my reaction to rejection are reasons enough to vindicate the rejection in the first place :-) But I guess it is as important to grieve as it is to celebrate - huh?
Enough of that for now. As I said in one of my earlier posts, my b-school plans are pretty much decided. When I started thinking about school in June '04, I thought I had I had time on my side. Like other things in life, I couldn't be more sadly mistaken. Here I am, with 1.5 months to go and applying to a pared down list of schools, all in round 2: HBS, Stanford, Wharton, Kellogg and Chicago. Yes, I know that reads like a top-5 school list, but then I wouldn't have it any other way. Working for the number of years as I have, I don't see much of a point applying to a 'safety school'. My view on this is that I don't want to apply to a school that I wouldn't be thrilled to attend. I think of HBS and Stanford as stretch schools(and so does most of humanity) and they will always be special. However, I would be equally thrilled to get into the other three. I've talked to most of my recommenders and started work on the HBS and W essays. I've decided to tackle the W essay first since that is fairly generic enough to be a good starting point for most other essays. I've also promised myself to jump off a plane, quit my job ahead of time, catch a live performance of Schumann's piano concerto in A minor (Vienna, East Europe?), backpack in Asia and watch the whales migrate south along the Monterey bay. All this to be done by April, no matter how the decisions turn out. After all aren't we all looking for the most fulfilling relationships and outcomes? Before I offer any more Carrie Bradshaw-sounding aphorisms, I think I'd better sign off. Wish me luck compadres.
10 Comments:
At 9:49 PM, Anonymous said…
good luck with your apps sorebrek .. seems like v r in this together, 2nd rnd hail mary pass, to almost the same schools too
--ender
At 10:41 PM, Anonymous said…
:) Good Luck ... I am sure it will turn out fine. Looking forward to you catching up Schumann in Europe.
At 12:39 AM, sorebrek said…
gee ender - it is a relief to know that I'm not in this alone.
Farbe, farbe, thanks. I hope so too. There is so much intrigue in that Schumann piece, it sometimes scares me. It shames all those ringtone bagatelles when it comes to depth and unexplored emotions. There is irreparable loss, unfathomable fear, grief that transcends lifetimes, the frisson of forbidden love, crushing mortality and the weight of all those who loved and lost before us. Gee, I really should stop blogging after 12 midnight :-)
At 1:40 PM, Marina said…
The feeling of wallowing in self pity is as addictive as that non-diet pepsi (though I would have gone with a coke, or a glass of wine even). You'll get through it. Good luck on R2!
At 9:49 PM, sorebrek said…
M, that coming from someone with a catty picture - just kidding! I'm so over it right now I think I'll just throw back a few shots this weekend with some old friends. Watch out Berkeley, Sorebrek's gonna paint this red town green.
At 11:08 PM, Paa"ji" said…
Keep up the spirit sorebrek....saw you posting after long....and yes in life the biggest achievement is doing things close to heart....and you have it all lined up..GOOD LUCK
At 11:33 PM, sorebrek said…
Thanks P - I really appreciate it. And the very best for your application process too.
At 11:31 AM, Marina said…
Thank god this whole process gives me justification for spending money on clothes!
Have a great weekend.
At 10:49 PM, PowerYogi said…
ah, leave it to the wordsmith sorebrek to pull me into reading this post with a post-titling brilliance harking back to the genius of a once-considered-missing blogger known to the world as, umm, sorebrek. and we celebrate the return of the prodigal.
don't empty that reservoir of sorrows yet, my friend. for it will surely be needed again, to react to some sort of rejection. then again, we are given karma points for a reason. it is written that there shall come a joy whose intensity must equal the sum of all the tears shed in its waiting.
can you tell I just woke up after some much-deserved sleep :-)
At 1:50 AM, sorebrek said…
M, you go girl - I'm all for comfort shopping.
Flattered as I am Power, in my moment of anguish I realize I have none of the studied yogic detachment you exude while lounging on a bed of nails :-) But your kind words mean a lot.
-- The-blogger-formerly-known-as-sorebrek
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